When parents approach Mark Rothman, PhD, with questions about their children’s intelligence or academic performance, he encourages them to consider replacing the word ‘smart’ with ‘successful’.
“Rather than thinking about how to make your child or teen ‘smart’, pivot your thinking. While success has numerous definitions, I like to define it as having a strong work ethic, a developed sense of determination and realistic goal achievement,” says Dr. Rothman, Clinical Psychologist for Child and Youth at Medcan.
Switch focus from ‘smart’ to ‘successful’
The danger of focusing on ‘smart’ is that the traditional definition of intelligence, in many ways, is a fixed measure. Psychologists measure intelligence by biological, genetic and neurological factors – most of which are out of our control.
“When we realize this, the perspective changes. Parents can focus not on how to make their children smart, but rather how to support their children in navigating life in a way where they are fulfilled, can reach their potential, and contribute to society in a positive way,” says Dr. Rothman.
“Parents are encouraged to praise younger children more on their efforts and less on the final grade or outcome. We want them to enjoy the process of education and learning, and not just the praise of getting an A+, ” adds Chantal Wiggins-McKinnon, a registered nurse and Program Lead, Child and Youth at Medcan.
“We don’t want children associating their self worth based on a grade or how “smart” they are. We want them to focus on developing strengths and appreciate the effort and motivation that goes into this. “
Match goals to competencies
One of the main ways to support children and teens is to focus on their competencies. Where are their strengths and how can these areas be mastered? Dr. Rothman recommends having a discussion about what your children view as meaningful, and how to help them achieve what matters to them.
“Say you have a preset goal that your child is going to be a lawyer, but your child’s competencies are visual perceptual or spatial motor – they are good at creating and fixing things with their hands. Then they may be more successful in the trades or architecture.”
Wiggins-McKinnon adds that if there’s a concern about focus, attention, motivation and outcomes in school, speak to a health-care professional.
Set realistic goals
Another benefit of focusing on competencies is to ensure goals are realistic. A reassessment may also be helpful.
“Understanding one’s strengths and areas of challenges, is the only way to establish realistic expectations,” says Dr. Rothman.
How to approach academic failures and challenges?
Certainly there will be certain subjects where a child or teen is just not going to thrive. What’s the best approach to managing these situations? Dr. Rothman recommends turning those episodes into teaching moments.
Poor mark on a test or assignment: approach the situation with an action plan. Help your child understand what happened and develop a plan that can potentially improve the outcome next time. Applying this lesson to challenging courses in school can be helpful in developing motivation and persistence for later years.
Consistently weak performance in a certain subject: A different teaching approach or one-on-one tutoring can help. Dr. Rothman encourages parents to offer their child a new framework.
“This is when we apply the ‘How can…?’ approach,” says Dr. Rothman. “So even though math or English is not your strength, how can you get through it anyways? What are some strategies that can be applied to do your best in the face of challenges? We can impact our effort and strategy, and that’s incredibly empowering.”
Focus on a growth, mindset and process, rather than intelligence
Rothman and Wiggins-McKinnon agree that sustainable success is more likely when parents praise children for their persistence and dedication, rather than for their intelligence. By focusing on the joy of learning and emphasizing the importance of hard work, the child or teen recognizes the value in the process.